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Conlanging Schedule

Eçeþesi January 29, 2015 User blog:Eçeþesi

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I found this comment in a conlanging group on Facebook and loved it so I'm sharing it.

It's a description of conlangs as a conlanger creates successively more conlangs. 

1 - Usually not daring, often barely more than a cipher
2 - We've hit Wikipedia a few times now, so we have clicks, tones, phonation, too many cases, a poor attempt at incorporation, infixed articles and the classic kitchen sink
3 - Noticing #2 was a mess, we now decide to do something a bit simpler, but still pushing the wacky meter up. Thus we get the conlangs that look like Iau or Wari'.
4 - Conlanger accidentally repeats step 2 or 3. Accelerated users are making a Romlang or Germlang under the influence of Vietnamese or Piraha
5 - Jokelang
6 - Period of remorse. 
7 - Period of shamelessness. Optionally repeat step 2, but add more coffee, daring users, whiskey.
8 - Phonology levels out. Never gets to morphology because notebook falls into a bathtub fermenting wine to support alcohol habit developed in step 6.
9 - IE-lang. Daring users experiment with Finnish, maybe Estonian. Roommate 1 accidentally pickled in bathtub.
10 - Nuxalk mania. Second bathtub purchased with plans to season it for making Moscato.
11 - Conlanger discovers Chinese ANADEWs them everywhere. bathtubs suddenly empty. 2nd roommate accidentally mummified under bed on expedition to recover cheetos.
12 - User contemplates Basque. Bathtub induced coma. 3rd roommate voluntarily leaves upon finding a notebook of arcane scribbles that he is worried is actually Satanic Incantations.
13 - Satanic Incantations in hopes of acquiring funds for 3rd bathtub. Satan is confused about your use of the ablative and pickles himself in bathtub number two. Moscato never tastes quite the same.
14 - Romlang?
15 - CELTOLANG!! ellipsis on steroids. receives high laud and honor, but eventually people grow tired of it. Third bathtub found in dumpster, preseasoned with a raccoon carcass.
16 - Dart-board conlang induced by evil Moscato. Raccoons everywhere for some reason.
17 - Conlang Conversations & Off-Topic, Also Bhutan suddenly starts being coherent.
18 - Dragonkinglang
19 - Raccoonlang fondly called "Tanookitalk"
20 - Accidentally goes to work dressed like a raccoon.
21 - Romlang?? Wine from tub 1 tasting funky.
22 - Conlang based on some random thing, like a fartlang
23 - Person achieves enlightenment. Realizes everything is ANADEW. House filled with bathtubs and Satans.

(NB: "ANADEW" stands for "a natlang already did, except worse," which refers to features that can be found to exist in natural languages, especially those that a conlanger then adopts into their conlang.)

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